Beyond Right and Wrong
How much time do you spend in you head? How much time do you spend thinking through decisions, options and choices in an effort to figure out the right one. The virtuosity of rationale thinking and making correct choices has been lauded as one of the great strengths of the western world. It is a skill that we are taught is core to our identity as progressive, aspiring, successful people.
There is more choice than ever now. In fact choices are thrown at us at a relentless pace. And non choices are now equally important. The choice not to buy, not to engage, not to thumb scroll. It seems like all of our attention is being hunted by a mercenary band of choices. If you have the energy see how many choices are given to you each day, with an accompanying pitch on why THIS choice is the best and why you are tired of carrying on with all the other choices. Diets, exercise routines, organisation methods, types of yoga, books, software, goods, clothes, food, subscription services, TV shows, music, apps, games, cats, dogs, life partners .... pick anything that is part of your life - I am sure their are choices aplenty waiting for your careful consideration.
In my personal experience the choices regarding my practice, my outlook and craft are no different. They are constantly under attack. From the internal pressure of certainty. Is this right? Is this real? Am I doing it correctly? And externally from the pressure of choice. Are they right? Is that better? They say its wrong? What do they think? Layer on a healthy dose of self doubt and it creates a gauntlet to run through every time I sit down to practice.
The energy spent on trying to solve this puzzle with thought continues as I hang on to a belief that someday I will know, beyond doubt, that this, this craft, this practice, this world view, is right. I eventually will figure it out. That I will be given the gift of vindication that my choices where correct. I may even get a certificate.
I am recognising this outlook and way of working - relying on the logical and thinking part of me, is not helping me live the life I want to. And its not just in practice. How many things have you started and then stopped because you decided something else was better. How many things started well and then were saturated with doubt til they became too heavy, and sunk. How many opportunities or scenarios were bludgeoned with a scenarios spat from a great computation machine churning through all the possible futures until it gives you.... an answer?
Recently I have been putting energy into working beyond right and wrong. Beyond certainty. Ignoring the theory of what could be. Actively suspending rationality.
Working with the what is. Right now, this is my craft, this is my practice, this is the winding crooked path I am on. It is my what is.
So far it has been glorious. Working with feelings and actions. Does this feel good now? Is my life richer now? Am I enjoying this now? Am I feeding all part of me now?
The future may show me I am wrong. The future may take me on a different path. The future may show me alternatives, and potential of other paths. But it doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter.
Right now, I am doing my craft, its nourishing me, and its changing my reality. And after all that's what being a witch is all about.
_____________________________
To help with this, a habit I am working to build is doing over thinking. Whenever you find yourself in a cycle in your head, a thought pattern, a debate with yourself, a growing to do list of 'things to look into' or 'things that may be better', recognise it. Thank the part of your that analyses, and rationalises, and plans, and strategizes and wants to be right.
Then do something that feels good. Do a part of your craft you enjoy. Journal. Sing. Dance. It doesn't matter. Just do. And shape the what is.
My favourite use of this so far was dancing to Led Zeppelin. A full emptying, leave everything on the dance floor (front room), band your head til your vision shakes, bring back the spirit of the 70's with a summoning wall of sound. It was an exhilarating 7 minutes. And the best part, the thinker danced with me to.